The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
