but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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