She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i now understand why vodka
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
