my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
