I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
