do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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