i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
