In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
