It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
