i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
