So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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