I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i drank out of a bidet.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
