Just fell off a train. Bad.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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