Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
