Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
