Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
