All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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