She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
