I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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