My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
