i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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