He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
