my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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