Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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