and i looked up. we had an audience...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
