glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
