Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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