is your mom at the bar?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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