i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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