I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
