So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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