She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
