oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
