She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
