hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I currently don't understand fingers.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
