Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
