You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
