Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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