It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
