Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
