ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm passing your future prison.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
