WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My ass is underappreciated
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
