yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
