A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i will never coherently bang her
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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