do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
