I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
