I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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