Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i think im in europe. pls send help
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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