I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
