ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
